The Relationship Myth that encourages us to Feel Obligated in our relationships, is something commonly accepted.  Maybe even “Healthy”.  But… as with many of the “rules” we live by, when we can the courage to question our motives and the outcomes of our choices and actions, we actually discover how dysfunctional these hidden Relationship Myths truly are.  Now as with most things in life, we deserve to find balance.  So let me first say that feeling obligated has its place… but NOT as often as we tend to believe.  To feel obligated to go to work so you can support your family is great!  To feel obligated to take care of your children is wonderful!  And even to feel obligated to put others beofre our selves sometimes, an important thing to do.  But, far too often we give into feelings of obligation in a very unhealthy way.  For example; You just can’t seem to say “no” when your neighbor or your children or your husband ask you to do something that wouldn’t kill them to do for themselves… becasue you feel obligated!  Or when you are just having a hard day and you feel obligated to put the “Happy Mask” on.  What ever your reason, the Relationship Myth of Obligation has potential to plant a very destructive seed that has a lasting impact on the foundation of your relationships.  Do you want to change your relationships?  Then watch the video and/or continue reading to learn more.

What is this Relationship Myth of Obligation, Really?

As with many things that I have discovered as I have studied my life and the life of my clients, through the lens of True Principles, it seems to always boil down to fear.  Think about it.  To feel obligated, is to fear (in it’s most basic form) something “bad” happening in that relationship.  Right?  For example, in my own life, I certainly feel obligated to call my siblings on their birthday.  If I don’t call them, I really do fear their taking it the wrong way.  Believing maybe that I don’t care about them and it becoming something I can’t heal or change with them.  Now, of course  letting people know that I love them is crucial to healthy relationships.  And I absolutely do love my siblings.  But when I forgot to call two of my siblings this year, it REALLY highlighted this relationship myth of obligation in those specific relationships.  To see it more clearly, let’s look it from the other side.

Would you rather someone wish you a happy birthday because they really wanted to celebrate YOU… or would your rather them do it because they fear your wrath for forgetting?  Isn’t it easier to see how this relationship myth could plant a painful seed, when we look at it from the other side.  So the question is now, “What areas of my life do I feel obligated in an unhealthy way?”

What Feeling Obligated Does to Your Relationships

First and foremost  consider that when you feel obligated, what you’re REALLY saying to that person is, “If I don’t call you on your birthday (insert your own obligation), then I’ll make you feel … (hurt, angry, offended, etc.)”  The key word here is ”make”.  In reality, you do not make anyone feel anything!  We certainly can influence feelings in others.  But you don’t make anyone feel anything.  Easier to swallow usually when we get blamed for someones feelings, but often times harder to see when we actually feel that responsibility.  But if you want an mazing life, you have to begin to maintain those boundaries of accountability for yourself and others.  This topic could be an entire book, so be on the look out for upcoming events and trainings that can support you in really go deep on this.  As real life example of this principle at work, check out this story about an entire Amish community that was able to be accountable for their experience in life so powerfully, it allowed them to forgive the murder of someone they loved.  Could you do that?  You and I might justify our anger if we experienced the loss of one of our own.  But these people CHOSE to feel something else.

Secondly, as we feel obligated in our relationships, eventually it begins to wear on us.  This relationship myth, and the emotional exhaustion required to maintain these obligations you feel, has potential to cultivate feelings of resentment for the burden of carrying out our obligations.  And when that happens, eventually we throw up walls to protect ourselves from the potential back lash of our no longer carrying out that obligation and playing by those rules.  And as enlightened as that action my be, it is rooted in anger and resentment which will taint the truth you are acting on,  quickly blowing up in your face.

So what do I do now?

As we ask better questions, and are more accountable for our thoughts, we may realize that our tendency to feel obligated simply isn’t real… something we have created out of thin air.  If that is you, that’s great news!  All you need to do is STOP IT!  :)  that easy.

If it is “real”, and someone in your life encourages you to feel obligated,  then the good news is you still have a choice!  How badly do you want that relationship to heal?  Do you want a relationship that is edifying, or one of bondage, control, and burden?  If you answer in the affirmative to the first, then be willing to challenge your patterns with this person.  Have a loving conversation about what you’re seeing and your part in it.  This will open the doors to healing that relationship myth from your life and from theirs. Once obligation begins to leave a relationship, it very quickly can build powerful momentum!  It’s not easy to break old patterns between two people, so be ready for a challenge.  From my own experience, taking that risk has been worth every bit of pain and struggle!  Pain and struggle are inseparably connected to love and breakthroughs.  So be willing to pay the cost to get the payoff!

Also, be willing to get additional training to support  yourself and your family; whether it’s here or somewhere else doesn’t matter… just do something.  Don’t lie to your self saying something like “… this sounds just like me and my husband… I should talk to him tonight…” , and then you never actually have the conversation.  Don’t lie to yourself anymore.  If your relationships really are important to you, then prove it!  The best way to prove it, is to put your action where your mouth is.  When you’re willing to be uncomfortable and take a risk with that relationship, then and only then can you say that they are important to you.  I hope you decide to be honest enough about your life that you take the action required to up-level your life.

Love and Truth,
Keith

Being Present is something we often hear in the personal development world. But have you ever asked why? Have you every considered the principles that make being present so important? Watch this video to experience how truly crucial this emotional skill is… for your happiness and well being.

Being Present = NO PAIN

So where are you?  Are you living in the past, the present, or the future.  Are you seeing how not being present is part of what actually creates your pain.  If not, do the exercise in the video.

Have you considered the disconnection that you’re encourageing in your relationships by living in these MAKE BELIEVE places of PAST and FUTURE?  When was the last time you were truly present?  When was the last time you turned your phone off and refused to text or answer calls becasue the time with your family is that sacred? …  Becasue it is sacred … and it can never be replaced.    Communicate your love to yourself and your family by giving the gift to all of you, of being present.

 A Sweet Side Effect of Being Present

Let this irreplaceable and limited time in your life be so precious to you that you are not willing to live anywhere else than now!  The beautiful side effect this has it that it allows you to have more power over your life and choices!  You can’t change yesterday or today.  I understand what it feels like to carry guilt about mistakes (check out this article on letting go of guilt), or fearful of the future (check out all seven of these articles on confronting fear).  But by dwelling on these imaginary places, you remain powerless.  You may not be able to change yesterday or tomorrow…  but you CAN change NOW.  Being present brings you to the ONLY moment in time that you have any control over.  Why are we so eager to live in places that we have no power?

Being present will allow you to “Stop and smell the roses.”  It allows you to enjoy your life.  I watch so many of my clients wrapped up in wanting things to be different in their lives.  The irony is that we often times already have exactly what we are seeking; we’re just too blinded by our guilt and shame of the past, or our worry and fear of the future to see it!  Being present is not just a great first step in finding fulfillment, or gaining power over our lives… being present is the best way to create and feel gratitude.

I challenge you to turn the TV off, turn the phones off, and don’t answer the door when you are with your family.  Make being present with them your highest priority.

Please leave comments, ask questions… just get involved!  :)

Love and Truth,

Keith

If you’re liking this, sign up for your free e-course or come to a live event! :)

Codependence can be difficult things to heal and overcome because it requires us to completely challenge the way we see and do EVERYTHING!  As we learn in this mini series of videos (check out Codependence: Part 1 if you haven’t already), this addiction to people (codependence) starts with a misconception of where our worth lies (as well as others).  If you’re reading this then you probably think that a person’s worth and value comes from the results they have created.  Said in another way, if someone has a great marriage, then you make the assumption that they must be a great person!  The opposite is then true too… if someone has a bad marriage, then you assume there is something innately ”bad” or wrong with them (or at least their spouse.  Right?   Now maybe your not so blatant to think of someone as “bad” or “wrong” (because that is “wrong” too!), but there is some level of judgement against their worth and value as a person.

This tendency to judge ourselves and others (as bad OR GOOD) is at the root of codependence, and has huge implications on how you do everything in your life.  Because here’s the truth… If you judge others (positively or negatively), then you will place the SAME judgments of value on YOURSELF… and your CHILDREN… and your SPOUSE…   As equally tragic, you pass this misconception of value on to your children.  Then they perpetuate the same judgements against people in their life and to themselves.  And when our worth is based on our results and circumstances in a world where it is impossible to manage and control all of our results and circumstances, we are living in a world that guarantees our pain.

Often times that pain sounds like “I’m a bad person”, “I’m a bad mom/father”, ”I’m stupid”, ”I’m ugly”… the list goes on.  What does your pain sound like?  Really, take a minute and answer that question for yourself.  The moment our pain sounds this way, because we are living in the illusion that worth comes from outside of us, then we begin to seek our validation and worth from other people and other things.  We go buy a nice car, we wear make up, we stress about how we look and what others think, we change how we talk, we seek compliments, we succeed, we fail, we are victims, we get married, we have children, we tell people we love them … All in an attempt to gain validation of our worth.  And thus we have begun to weave the threads of codependence.  Now I’m not saying that if you do those things, that it guarantees your codependence…  I’m asking you to seek out your motives in what you do and say and think.

How to heal codependence

First and foremost, to overcome codependence, you’ll have to challenge yours and your families ideas about where worth truly comes from.  For some of you this may come from well spent time pondering on your relationship with your creator.  Seek out to understand what your gifts and talents are.  Ponder on what what those gifts that innately have, is a clue to you of your innate value.  Another powerful mental exercise is to think of your children (or your siblings and nieces and nephews) and the first time you saw them and held them in your arms.  what feelings did you have for them?  Did you love them?  Did they have worth and value?  Yes, of course!  But how do they have value if they’ve not done anything to deserve it?  Really!  What did they do?  Nothing!  They JUST ARE!  And that is NO DIFFERENT than you.  And this is no different than how your higher power sees and feels about you.  In the same way that small child has innate value just because, SO DO YOU!  As you can connect more and more deeply with this truth about yourself and your relationship to your creator, you codependence will begin to wain.  Do you see how when your value becomes something that just is, there is no need to seek validation through other people or things?  And it is then, that codependence begins to be very afraid! 

The next step is to begin to challenge codependence, is still about addressing your worth, but in another way that combats our deeply engrained social definitions.  I’ll warn you this one becomes tricky!  But taking this one on will inspire the people in your life as you take it on more fully.  And ironically, as you begin to build the courage it takes to live this principles, you naturally begin to overcome the nature of co-dependence.

Remembering that codependence has its roots in value judgements, the trick comes down to COMPLETELY detaching from how our results define our value.  And when I say detach, I mean everything!  The moment you lost your temper… doean’t mean anything bad about you.  It just means you have more work to do.  Good thing this life isn’t about the destination huh?    The opposite is true too.  And this is where people begin to struggle most.  I want you to begin to let go of why you and others are “good” because of all the positive things going on in your lives.  So just because you are successful in business, or your a good mom, or you overcame your temper, DOES NOT mean you are any better.  Your worth and value is innate… which means it doesn’t increase when you do “good” either.  Does that make sense?  If we are increasing our value because of the good, then we will demean ourselves with the bad.  They are two sides of the same coin.  Either one is judgement… period.  And if you judge yourself as good, then you’ll judge your neighbor as bad.  And if you judge your neighbor as good then your opening the door to judge yourself as bad.  When you can eliminate ANY potential for judgement of value (up or down) codependence has no footing!

What it looks like when codependence ends…

There aer more ways to begin to address how codependence may be showing up in you or your family, but this article would turn into a book.  The principles that we’ve discussed here are at the root of any other “tips and tricks” I could offer you.  As you begin to change the culture of value and worth in you and your family, codependence will have no means of nourishment.  And then it will die.  For some of you being codependent is the only thing you ca remember being.  For you, I ask you to see how it has effected you and yours.  How has it prevented rather than encouraged?  Wheat things have you allowed into your life because to do anything different would eliminate your source of value.  I have been there.. I get it!  But I promise you fear is an illusion.  And the more you practice living life from this space, the more abundance you will create.

You’ll  know you are living free from codependence when your interactions and giving to others are free from expectation of return or validation.  You’ll be able to tell your wife you love her, hoping that she won’t be so concerned to return the sentiment so that she can enjoy the feeling of love from you.  Your relationships will be free from obligation and expectation.  And when you arrive to this space, you will have created something more powerful than anything you ever imagined could be possible as you lived in the darkness and fear of codependence.

Relationships free from codependence are no longer based on need.  And if there is no need there is only want and desire!  Has your relationship lacked passion and intimacy?  Consider that its because your relationship has no room for intimacy.  Intimacy exists in the paradigm of WANT and DESIRE.  Codependence has no room for passion… only addiction.  Want and desire can not be present when NEED is always present.

Seek to get your own needs met and you’ll only be left to give.  If you want to learn more about what those needs are and the tools to live from that space, consider coming to a free event.  I hope this serves you in breaking free of the bondage of codependence!

Love and Truth,

Keith

If you’re liking this, sign up for your free e-course or come to a live event!

Codependent relationships are so painful!  I know because I’ve had plenty!  We all know that romantic scene in Jerry McGuire when Tom Cruise says “… you complete me…”.   He’s hushed by what’s-her-name, and she says “… you had me at hello.”  All the women cried but only the real men did too.    Were we really all so blinded by that mushy scene that we didn’t see them as codependent?  The idea and mentality of that scene, as romantic as we may THINK it is, is at the core of why our divorce rates are so high.  The idea that someone even should “complete us” is central to the dysfunction of our relationships.Have you ever stopped to think about the heaviness that comes from needing someone in that way? You truly can get no more codependent than that!

The moment someone completes us is the moment we “need” them.  And once we “need” them, we literally become addicted to the people in our lives!  To learn more about this check out this artilce on addiction and how it relates to being codependent.  And if people and relationships become our “drug of choice” then we are truly codependent?  But we have to be careful about quickly dismissing that we aren’t!  There is convenience in our beliefs!… so lets put ourselves to the test.

Are you codependent?

So how do you know if you are codependent or not?  Well let me ask you a few questions that might give you some hints.

• Is your worth as a person dependent on what someone else thinks?  Now don’t be too quick to answer!  What if your spouse or children get angry at you?  Do you beat yourself up or have a bad day?  If you do, you may be codependent.
• Do you seek for validation of your accomplishments, making sure people notice what you’ve done, said, or accomplished?
• Do you design ways for people to “accidentally” notice something that allows their attention to be brought to you or an accomplishment… so you don’t have to?
• Would you consider your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend to be codependent?  Truth be told if you are in a relationship with someone that is codependent with you, you ar emost likely codependent!  I know it sucks.  But when someone is codependent on us, we actually get something out of their “needing” us.  What do you get out of them needing YOU?  Worth taking a look at….
• Do you feel sad when you’re alone?  This is a big one for mom’s.  I see a lot of women gaining externalized self worth through their children.  Ever heard of “empty nest syndrome”?  My belief is it’s a woman’s struggle to find a new source of her value once her kids are gone.  Hmmmmm…
• Do you do everything you can to never be alone? Maybe when you are alone, you keep the TV or radio on in the background just to “keep you company”?

There are lots of signs that might hint to us that we are codependent, but we can’t go over them all.  So here is MY simple definition of codependent:  When ever we seek validation of our worth from someone or something other than our self.  If this sounds like you or if you answered “yes” to any of above questions, then please consider that you may be struggling with codependency.  Don’t beat yourself up though.  Truth be told, we all oscillate back and forth between codependency and healthy relationships.  But don’t let that be an excuse to not challenge this more fully in your life.  The more willing you are to take this on, the more fulfilling your life will be!

How to Challenge Being Codependent

We’ll go into this in more depth next week, but we’ll get the ball rolling.  As always, awareness has to be the first step!  Start to look for how often being codependent shows up in your life.  How often do you seek for validation of your worth from outside of yourself?  Once you begin to see how often it shows up as you create more awareness, your motivation will push you to finding the emotional energy to change.

As you notice those moments, challenge your self-deprecating beliefs and lack of value.  A great way to jump start this is to seek out a deeper relationship with your creator to help you to know of your worth and value… because the truth is your value is INNATE and INFINITE!  Our value has NOTHING to do with the mistakes we make, the things we don’t know, or the limitations we think we have!  Knowing the true source of your worth and value is key to overcoming being codependent.

Also, get more involved with what I am creating here at True Principles!  I do free trainings every month- some are live trainings here in SLC and others are teleseries calls.  Take the necessary steps to gain the support for your journey!  Please do something!  Don’t let the myth of “later” keep you stuck!

Love and Truth,

Keith

If you’re liking this, sign up for  your free e-course or come to a live event!

We often go through our lives frustrated about certain results of our life; some more than others.  And often while we’re looking for answers or regretfully “waiting” for our lives to change, we say to ourselves “Why?!  Why is [my life/job/relationship] this way?  Why won’t [this] change?” – completely believing our powerlessness.  And then something happens… an opportunity to change our circumstance comes our way.  Maybe it comes in the form of children or spouse apologizing (which I would suggest eliminating in your family anyway… but I digress), or maybe it comes in the form of a new idea, or even in the form of an opportunity to invest in yourself to gain more knowledge.  Regardless the form it comes in, there is a golden opportunity for us to overcome our hardships.  But do you take it as often as it comes?

So often I watch people never take that opportunity!  It hurts me to watch people do this to themselves, all because they lack commitment.  So lets see where your commitment is, shall we?   Take this one slow and write out your answers.  I promise it will be worth it.

I want you to consider something that is a struggle in your life that you want to overcome.  Is it a struggling marriage?  Maybe a lack of money in your life.  Maybe it’s to be more physically fit (that is one of my focuses lately).  You got it?  Good.  Next question… How long have you been experiencing pain in this part of your life?  A few weeks, months, years?  I hope you haven’t said “years”… cuz that means your going to have years worth of resistance to work through too… but don’t lose hope.  Hang in there with me.  Everything is possible if your committed.

So how has this result effected your life?  I would suggest considering how it has effected your life in what I call the “9 Realms”; Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, Relationships (…of self, others, and God), Financial, Time, Environment (where you live, work, play), Mental, and last but certainly not least, Your Purpose.  Get specific here!  How has it effected your children, your ability to make money… everything.  For me, my lack of physical health effects my back, which makes it hard to sleep, which means I get up late sometimes, which means I feel anxious sometimes once I’m awake because I have tons to do but less time to do it, which means I don’t feel as inspired, which means I don’t follow “my path” as perfectly as I could, which means I don’t fulfill my purpose that day as well as I could, which means I don’t make as much money, which puts strain on my marriage… Do you see what I mean?!  If we take the time to truly ask the question, you can start to see that this isn’t just about going to the gym, or making more money or healing your marriage!… this is about your whole life!  Everything in your life touches all the other parts in a very real way.  We get into these moments when we could make a different choice and then lie to ourslves when the time to act comes, saying “oh its not a big deal today… I can do it later,” when you and I both know you’ve probably not followed through with “tomorrow” for a very long time!  But some how we forget that in the moment…

So now that you’ve seen the reality and impact of how your pain creates MORE pain in other parts of your life, there are two more powerful questions before you.  What are you willing to do to change this result?  If you’re anything like everyone else who I’ve heard answer this question, then your probably saying “ANYTHING!” Right?  We will see…

So get a more specific for me.  What are you specifically willing to do to change this result today? … really think about it.   THERE!  RIGHT THERE!  Did you just make an excuse as to why couldn’t do anything today?  Was it about “not enough… money… time… what?  I thought you said you’d be willing to do anything?  What did you say you would be willing to so to change it?  Do you see the contradiction you are living in?  When it comes to actually COMMITTING (proven though taking REAL ACTION), we tend to lose our spine.  In fact I would say that you won’t know that you are truly committed until you actually take ACTION… otherwise you are probably deceiving yourself.

Are you seeing this?  If this is you, this is why your life is stuck in places.  You’re not truly committed to doing something different.  Do you really want your life to change?  Then start taking COMMITTED ACTION!

This one was a little more pulpit pounding huh?!  lol!    I would love to hear your comments, questions and breakthroughs!

Love and Truth,

Keith

Recently I have had a lot of clients wrestling with how to let go the guilt that creeps into their life. In today’s video, I cover 2 very simple steps to release the guilt that unknowingly plagues our lives.  If you haven’t already, make sure and sign up for my free videos over in the side bar, where I talk in more depth of how to recognize the patterns of guilt and few other family patterns that tend to show up in our families!

Step 1: Create Awareness about the effects that guilt has been playing on your life. What results is it creating? More progress… or more depression and self-loathing?  More peace… or more misery?   If your answer is anything but pain, then your might want to reconsider why your following this blog.

As we create awareness in our lives, it creates more perspective. And with perspective we can see the road we are on and the road we could choose. Now you have effectively given yourself a choice! Now you just have to….

Step 2: … Make a different CHOICE! With your broader perspective, hopefully your seeing the destructive nature of guilt. So WHY would you keep choosing it? Try it out. Experiment with the freeing nature that forgiveness for yourself and encouraging it in others can have on your life and family! Once you do… you’ll never want to go back!

Choice is one of those very inconvenient principles. There is rarely any big “aha!” or insight that encourages us to utilize this principle. We simple need to exercise the principle… whether you want to or not. If you live your life in alignment with principle (and stop reacting to your life from your ego-driven emotion) then your life will become abundant. Period. Sucks a little  huh?! But it is also, so very beautiful too! Because now you have the power to change your life as long as you exercise your agency!

Love and Truth,
Keith

As this comes to a close for Jamie and I, and for you who are following along side of us, I plead with you to confront your fears!  Fears are at the VERY ROOT of the pain we feel.  You can rely on that as confidently as ”2+2 will always equal 4″!  It is a law… a principle, and is unchanging.  And with laws and principles come predictability.  If you want to be the one who determines the outcome and results of your life, learn and ALWAYS act in alignment with true principles- not meant to be a plug.

There is so much power in confronting our fears.  As you do you will find the deeper meaning of them.  As you decide to take on your life more fully, know that confronting fear is not about whether the circumstance actually happens. It’s about what you feel and experience as a result of it. It’s about the value judgments you place on yourself because of it. It’s about how you feel about yourself and others.  Mine and Jamie’s worse-case might have been homelessness; but behind it I’ve learned that it’s my “worse case” because of the judgment I would feel from others, and the powerlessness I would feel to changing my situation.  And it is HERE that the challengable lies, self-deception and illusions are!  Because the truth is that others aren’t judging me; and if they are, it only hurts because it reflects the judgment I have of myself! The truth is, if my family is suffering, it is a precious opportunity for growth. And when I can remember the big picture of this life, why would I want to interfere with that?!  And beyond these deep truths about life, lies the reality that I have loved ones that would take us in!  The truth is that our “worse-case” would never happen… at least for now…

Because here is the inconvenient reality of fear and how it works with the laws and principles of the universe; If we never confront our fear and avoid it, OUR FEAR WILL COME TRUE!  Somehow, someway, someday you will find yourself living your fear.  And I believe this is how God has intended this universe to work.  Now, for all you affirmationsists that are freaking out right now, just breathe…  … and stay with me.  There is power in looking at the negative too!  As we feel fear and avoid it, it is that exact avoidance that makes our fears come true.  For example, when a mom feels afraid of “being a bad mom”, her fear drives her to react in ways that hurt her family (everything from being too strict, to too rescuing), therefor creating results in the end that become proof that she IS a “bad mom”- her fear became TRUE!  Or the child who’s afraid of being stupid…  This creates anxiety about homework, so they avoid doing homework, and then fail their next test.  And now they have proof that they are “stupid”- their fear became TRUE!  Isn’t it fascinating to see how we literally create what we are afraid of?!  Wow!  I call this the Avoidance Cycle, and if you want to learn more about about it and how you can use this to support you in your family more powerfully, please feel free to contact me.

I see this Avoidance Cycle in my life too. As I fall into fear, I lose faith in myself and my life. This leads to doubt in my gifts, talents and abilities meant to help me provide for my family and business.  To relieve this burden of doubt, I then create the illusion that “I must not fail”, when failure is not only imminent, but part of the plan!  It is then that I stop taking risks (like investing money in myself and business) that would actually lead to my SUCCESS! So I then stay stuck in mediocrity and never succeed. But how can I trust investing in myself and business if I doubt myself and don’t have proof that I can succeed?  It requires me to confront what I am most afraid of!  So ironic! And now we are full circle!

I KNOW God wants it this way!  Because it is only when we are confronted with the irony and paradox of our greatest fears against our greatest desires, that we can begin to see the truth… The truth that our fear is an illusion, the truth that we are immensely powerful in creating our life (negatively or positively), the truth that when we live in fear we lose faith, and without faith we are blind.  Blind to the ultimate truth of who we are… literal sons and daughters of a God!  It is here that we have access to the full measure of our creation.  And it is here in this space of faith and acknowledgment of our gifts and divine heritage that FAILURE IS TRULY IMPOSSIBLE! Really!  Think about that!  You couldn’t fail!

This is what fear is meant to teach us!  I hope you decide to find the truth behind your fear.  If you are willing to confront them, I promise you will find immense power, peace, and beauty on the other side.

Love and Truth,

Keith

I soon found another task to keep myself busy… making Jamie dinner.  I was so SICK of being in that car!  Yet another thing to be grateful for… SPACE.  Space to move around, space to organize things other than behind my car seat!  Just space!  Again, who would have thought I would find gratitude for just having space. 

It was funny while I was cooking dinner next to  my car at a local park, I scared away two cars of people as they would pull up next to me to park, peer out of their window and realize that chicken was cooking on some kind of crazy stove they’d probably never seen.  They quickly reversed and parked farther down the way.  A third guy that parked on the other side of my car, turned right around as he saw me and went back to his nice truck to check that he had locked his doors!  LOL!  I was OK with judgment at this point.

My favorite part of the night came when Jamie got off work.  We were both still so hungry for wide open spaces (that were warm), we found an empty cycling room at our gym and laid there for hours just talking about our crazy life!    The janitors looked really confused when we walked out… I guess we were there a few hours after closing!  Ooops!

Still feeling the pressure of my fear of judgment at times coupled with the powerlessness I feel over Jamie’s discomfort.  I’m seeing more clearly each day how this has effected so many things in my life, and I love that I have a solid space to start to address and heal those issues.  I’m working through it and reminding myself often of the lessons I am learning.  And it helps.  Even with all that, ….  I can’t wait to get back home tomorrow and feel the gratitude of our life so much more fully!

Love and Truth,

Keith

My wife is one of the toughest and strong people Ive ever met (man or woman).  She’s an incredible swimmer and triathlete and kicks my trash where ever physical endurance and athleticism is involved!  Yes I own that my wife kicks my but!    So to watch her this week struggle to sleep and be in physical pain as she has wrestled with how to keep her neck and back muscles relaxed, has been agonizing to witness.  We’ve tried everything to resolve it.  I’ve tried to massage out her kinked neck, more strategically placed bedding, different sleeping positions… and nothing is working.  Every morning she wakes up more and more exhausted with increased tension in her neck and upper back.

As I have witnessed this, I have experienced so much guilt!  Which if you know much about the curriculum I teach, I am TOTALLY against feeling guilty… at all, ever!  But I have struggled to help it.  I have thought to myself, “If I weren’t so gun-hoe about this stuff, she wouldn’t have to deal with this.”  This seems to parallel imagined thoughts if this were real for us of “If I weren’t a failure, she wouldn’t have to deal with this!”  After wrestling with this, I’ve even felt my self willing to even relinquish my integrity to our 7 day commitment to the exercise.  And because I truly am committed to this challenge, I was able to overcome that moment and it helps to make this experience more real because we have nowhere to go.  We are committed to living out our worse-case.  It was in that very moment that I felt so powerless… powerless to helping her… powerless to the situation we had put ourselves in for the sake of Jamie.

And now the puzzle seems complete.  At the core of this fear of failure, is the overwhelming feeling of powerlessness to changing the situation- coupled with my previously mentioned fear of judgment from others, I think I now understand myself and this fear more completely.

The reality is, that even though I may not like to witness the struggle of my family (homeless or not), the truth is that her struggle is a beautiful thing for her too.  Why would I rescue her from the kinds of insights I have gained on this journey?  They are precious gifts to us both.  And most importantly, as I am empowered with the insights I have been collecting along the way, I now know that I will REALLY NEVER be in that situation!  I love that with either outcome, there is beauty and learning.

So as usual, how might this relate to your life?  Are you seeing parallels?  If so, what are they?  Please leave a comment and share your insights (you can be general).  Let’s all learn from each other.  Right here and now is an opportunity to do YOUR FEAR CHALLENGE!  I hope you take the chance to discover the illusions of your fear.

Love and Truth,

Keith

A friend approached me today, introducing me to his wife as “the homeless guy”.  Lol!  I hope this doesn’t become my only claim to fame! They were genuinely interested in my reasons for doing this, and so I began to explain it to them.  We had an amazing conversation about confronting fears and the relief and insight it brings us as we’re willing to go there.  In jest, I  teased them that they should confront their fear by moving into their parent’s basement.  To which they said, “…actually, we just did,” followed by a story of loosing their home.  Open mouth, insert foot!  I resisted the urge to publicly flog myself, but let it go and we had a wonderful conversation as we each shared powerful insights and aha’s about our situations.

They shared with me, their realization and gratitude that they now have come to understand, thanks to their parent’s generosity.  They now KNOW that they would never have to experience the destitution they thought they would.  They too are feeling the unrealistic nature of their fears!  As they shared this, I realized the same for my situation and it was yet another addition to my many aha’s this week.  Whether I would accept or ask for that support is another question…  It would be a powerful exercise of humility for me; which I’m learning this week goes back to my fear of judgment from others.  If I accepted help, it would somehow make my failure more real.  LOL!  Our neurosis sounds so silly when said out loud!  Who would have guessed that judgment was so central to addressing my fear of failure to my family!

Some have argued that this exercise it moot because “you know you can go home.”  Well first of all, we’ve made a commitment to NOT go home!  And we’re willing to honor that commitment.  Would you?  Secondly and most important…  This experience is merely a VEHICLE for us to confront our fears.  It is NOT for us to be able to say that we are really homeless.  It is simply a way for us to experience the truth behind our fears.  And the truth is, that so far it’s not as bad as we had thought.  We would need very little money to live safely, its a little inconvenient (not devastating like we thought), and the reality is there are lots of people who would help us out before we ever got to this point. And that is the point… that we see the truth of our fear.  In our situation, our worse-case would never happen!  Isn’t that freeing?

What if you confronted your fears and found that your worse-case could never happen?  What different choices would you make?  How would you live your life?  It’s a real life example of the question you might have heard before, “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”  What if that isn’t just a powerful question to get you to be willing to fail, but rather a clue that maybe what you fear isn’t real?  Or better yet… that there is no such thing as failure?

Love and Truth,
Keith